Answers to some of the more unique search phrases that have led folks to CONS recently:
"tupac west side?"
Really? Only a white guy would have to Google that.
These type of men have nothing about them. Don't believe the hype.
Like surfer's ear, this could be prevented by wearing a plug to keep water from entering. If the condition continues it may require drilling.
"not good enough to be a surfer"
By all means try a SUP. Anyone can do it. And I mean ANYONE.
"do surfers open eyes under water"
As long as no other surfers are already looking under water, you've waited your turn and you can successfully close them without hurting yourself or others around you then, yes.
"poop after surf"
This would be proper etiquette, yes.
"paddling out without waves"
Listen to your gut.
"miley cyrus just woke up"
Well put your hands up, they're playing your song, the butterflies fly away. Nod your head like yeah. Move your hips like yeah.
"how to hold my breath while getting knocked around by big waves"
Inhale, hold, do not repeat.